Fighting for “Eyeball Time” with Your Family

My fourteen year old daughter flopped down on the couch and said, “Let’s watch a movie.” I’m not at all surprise by this since I foolishly still think she’d rather spend time with me than any of the countless people she connects with on Instagram, kik, or Twitter. About ten minutes into the movie, a movie she picked by the way, I glance over and she’s not even watching the movie. She’s starting at the glowing screen of her cell phone.

“I thought you wanted to watch this movie?” I queried with as much frustration as I could muster. “You’re the one that asked me to stop what I was doing to watch this with you.”

She responded a-matter-a-factly, “I’m just multi-tasking. I’m watching with you, but I’m also texting my friends. I can’t not respond when they’re texting me.” To her it makes complete sense, but to me, it’s a reminder that I’m in a competition against all the screens in her life.

Technology has led my wife and me into the dreaded “also” phase of life we’re in with our teenagers. My son wants to play a board game with me, but he also wants to play “just one more round” of his video game. My daughter wants to go to Starbuck’s, but she also wants to check her Instagram the entire time. They both want to go on the family camping trip, but they also want to have their phone in front of their face around the campfire.

This is what I call fighting for “eyeball time” with my teenagers. They are both great kids that love the Lord and have a good relationship with us. But every screen draws their attention like a cat mesmerized by a moth. No matter how much I want to throw my hands up in defeat at times, I have to remind myself of two truths: 1. Technology is not the enemy of my family and 2. It’s my job to teach them balance, moderation, and responsibility in using the ever-growing number of screens in their lives.

So often I want all or nothing when it comes to technology. If my son can’t get up the next day because he stayed up too late playing video games, it’s easy for me to think, “That’s it. We’re getting rid of it all!” Before you starting giving me a hardy “Amen,” let’s both take a step back from the edge and talk about a few tips to give you more of the “eyeball time” you want from your teens.

Set “Screen Free” Time.

With the exception of the previous story, family time for us is screen free. Yours can be too. Whether watching a movie, playing a game, or sitting at the dinner table, have everyone (including you) set their phones aside. They may fight you on it at first, but if what you’re doing holds their interest they will soon forget.

Make the Time Worthwhile.

If you’re asking your teen to go without their security blanket i.e. cell phone, then make sure the time together is something fun that will engage their attention. When dinner is over and everyone starts to disappear back to their rooms, announce they you’re all going out for desert. It’s cheaper than dinner out, and you’ll get one good hour as a family.

Model to Your Children How to Disconnect.

There is nothing worse than wanting a certain behavior from our children that we aren’t willing to do ourselves. Your teen can quickly see the phoniness of you asking them to stop staring at screens, if you can’t be without yours either. When your teen is talking with you, DON’T ANSWER YOUR PHONE! It can wait. You only have your child’s attention for a few minutes. Take advantage of it.

Connect with Them on Tech.

When your daughter is sitting on the couch looking at her Instagram, cuddle up next to her and share silly posts out loud. Take twenty minutes to let your son humiliate you in a video game. Send a text message to your teen while they are sitting in the same room with you. I promise, they will laugh and roll their eyes at the same time at your attempt to be hip.

Contrary to how it may feel at times, your teenager wants time with you. They want to give you their eyes just like when they were six. It’s just that the pull of the screens can seem so much stronger in their life at times. Don’t give up. Create the right moment, pray for the Lord draw the two of you together, and watch what He does.

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Raising Responsible Teens

Tech Savvy Parenting

How You Always Meant to Parent

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Raising Responsible Teens

Tech Savvy Parenting

How You Always Meant to Parent